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Lord Rufus Crabmiser is an antagonist featured in The Boondocks. A member of Colonel Stinkmeaner's group known as the Hateocracy, he is a exceptionally ill-natured senior-citizen with a misanthropic worldview and a mastery over the use of the Chinese Flying Guillotine.

He is one of the main antagonists featured in the episode "Stinkmeaner 3: The Hateocracy"

Appearance[]

Lord Rufus Crabmiser is an elderly African American male, with gray hair and a matching beard and mustache.

His usual attire consists of a clean-press black suit jacket with matching pants with a white button-up collared shirt underneath, with a black tie. He also dons a dull black flat cap, which is a consistent accessory across all his alternative outfits.

During his first encounter with Granddad, he wore typical fishing gear a long white shirt underneath a tan colored vest and fishing boots, and carried his flying guillotine disguised as a crab trap.

During his time in the retirement home he wore a brown jacket and plain white shirt underneath and matching pants.

Personality[]

Among the Hateocracy, Crabmiser is ostensibly the most intelligent and level-headed member compared to Esmeralda Gripenasty and George Pistofferson. While no less violent than his comrades, he is shown to engage in deep and potentially introspective discussion. This is shown when rather than outright attacking Granddad, he instead engages Robert in a brief over the mutually-destructive nature of the Atlantic blue crabs that keep each other from escaping the bucket, using such observations as a preamble before springing his attempt to kill Grandad.

He respects the ability of Bushido Brown when the latter is hired as a bodyguard to protect the Freemans from the Hateocracy, as shown when he never directly insults his opponent and apparently compliments his title of Grandmaster.

History[]

Prior to The Boondocks[]

Rufus Crabmiser first met Stinkmeaner, Esmeralda Gripenasty and George Pistofferson back at a retirement home. At first, they hated each other right away, but they hated everyone else even more. They rallied together and targeted any and all within the retirement home with their ire, right up until they were all finally kicked entirely. Their reign of terror temporarily at an end, each went their separate ways one decade later.

Upon Stinkmeaner's death, the three remaining members of the Hateocracy reassembled and vowed to seek revenge against the Freeman family.

Stinkmeaner 3: The Hateocracy[]

Crabmiser and his allies decide to avenge Stinkmeaner by seeking revenge for his death and hunting down the Freemans. He drives them in a black car to a gas station, run by Uncle Ruckus, who is throwing darts at a newspaper picture of President Barack Obama. Crabmiser ask if he knows Granddad, which Ruckus admits. A fight ensues due to Ruckus's racial remarks, and he is assaulted, mostly by Crabmiser and his brass knuckles.

While Gripenasty and Pistofferson ambush Riley and Huey at their school, Rufus Crabmiser awaits Grandad at his fishing dock, posing as an ordinary crabber. He is greeted with a statement from Crabmiser that crabs are a fascinating creature and that they are only good for holding back others of their own kind, into which he openly admires. Using this monologue as an example of what Grandad did to Stinkmeaner, later found out by Grandad, Crabmiser proceeds to try to kill him with his flying guillotine disguised as a crab trap and leaving Grandad defenseless and struggling to fend for himself during the ordeal. The fight continues until Grandad snaps and lashes out his own belt into battle, which he uses in a succeeded attempt to trip Crabmiser off his feet. As a further result, Crabmiser uses the flying guillotine to restrain Grandad who he thought was out of options. Grandad's last move was successfully kicking the bucket of crabs onto Crabmiser's face, giving plenty of time for Grandad to escape to which Crabmiser gives up in defeat.

The Freemans look up Stinkmeaner on Wikipedia. His story reveals that he was part of a crew named the "Hateocracy" with "Lord" Rufus Crabmiser among them. The crew hated each other at first sight, but hated everyone else more. Upon Stinkmeaner's death, the crew reassembled and sought revenge on the Freeman family.

Later a few days after Bushido Brown settles in and almost dominates the Freemans and their house, Grandad kicks him out, but when he opens the door, Rufus Crabmiser and the hateocracy are standing outside, waiting to finish settling their old score. After a bit of decision making Bushido Brown prepares to do what he came for. Rufus Crabmiser is corrected when Bushido Brown says that he wants to be addressed by "Grandmaster" Bushido Brown before the intense martial fight takes place. Bushido Brown holds his own against the Hateocracy at first. Crabmiser participates in the fight by using his flying guillotine and a few combat skills with some help from his allies. Emseralda Gripenasty and George Pissedofferson were both thwarted of by Bushido Brown's moves. But in the end, Bushido Brown is beheaded by the Flying Guillotine.

Desperate not to share Bushido Brown's fate, Granddad opens up and apologizes for killing Stinkmeaner. He reveals he didn't mean to kill him, he just didn't want to be shown up by a blind old man. Rufus Crabmiser reveals they didn't even "give a shit about Stinkmeaner", but they wanted a particular family to reign terror on. They acknowledged Stinkmeaner was their friend but Stinkmeaner's death only served as a convenient excuse to a convenient target. The police conveniently show up and arrest the Hateocracy, leaving Crabmiser and his allies sent to prison and his weapon presumably confiscated.

Abilities and Powers[]

Lord Rufus Crabmiser was very skilled with his flying guillotine, being able to maneuver it with precise and accurate control. Despite the use of his weapon, he is apparently even more at skilled hand-to-hand combat than other members of the Hateocracy, as he is the only member to avoid and block most of Bushido Brown's attacks, either by shielding with his weapon or blocking with his hands.

His combat prowess is further demonstrated when his apparent attempt to deliver a final blow to the prone Bushido Brown resulted in his flying guillotine embedding in the branch of a tree above him, which would reveal to be a form deadly misdirection, as his return of the weapon would catch the unaware Bushido Brown during his recovery and result in the Grandmaster's spectacular decapitation.

Appearances[]

Trivia[]

  • Crabmiser's appearance and voice is based on the character of Fred Sanford from the 1970's television show Sanford and Son.
  • Crabmiser's weapon of choice is a reference to the 1970's film Master of the Flying Guillotine, even producing the same sound effects when wielded.
  • His surname is a portmanteau of "crab", which is slang for a bad-tempered person, and "miser", a person characterized by their excessive stinginess.
    • 'Lord' is a title that historically denotes a ruler of a feudal estate, in keeping with Crabmiser's miserly persona.
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