Lord Rufus Crabmiser is an African-American senior citizen who appears in the episode "Stinkmeaner 3: The Hateocracy". He is the most intelligent and level-headed member of Colonel Stinkmeaner's group known as the Hateocracy and his weapon kills Bushido Brown.
Lord Rufus Crabmiser is an old African American senior citizen male. Modeled after Fred Sanford from Sanford and Son. Crabmiser has white hair with matching beard and mustache.
Attire wise he wears a clean press black suit jacket with matching pants with a white button collared shirt underneath with a black tie and a black bugle boys cap.
During his first encounter with Granddad he wore typical fishing gear a long white shirt underneath a tan colored vest and fishing boots and carried his flying guillotine disguised as a crab trap.
During his time in the retirement home he wore a brown jacket and plain white shirt underneath and matching pants. and kept his cap on.
Rufus Crabmiser first met Stinkmeaner, Esmeralda Gripenasty and George Pistofferson back at a retirement home. At first, they hated each other right away, but they hated everyone else even more. They caused trouble for everyone, including their fellow senior citizens, before they were all finally kicked out of the home. They went their seperate ways one decade later.
Upon Stinkmeaner's death, the three remaining members of the Hateocracy reassembled and vowed to seek revenge against the Freeman family.
Return of the Hateocracy
Stinkmeaner's crew decides to avenge him by seeking revenge for his death and hunting down the Freemans. They first show up at a gas station, run by Uncle Ruckus, who is throwing darts at a newspaper picture of President Barack Obama. They ask if he knows Granddad, which he admits. A fight ensues due to Ruckus's racial remarks, and he is assaulted.
At the Freeman home, Riley turns on the television to see the news story of the event. Riley jokingly remarks how Ruckus was "beat up by a bunch of old niggas", but Huey is unsure of what happened. Granddad leaves to go fishing, ignoring the event.
Two of the members show up at Huey and Riley's school and request the boys' presence. The two are called down to the main office to see "their aunt and uncle". Huey, aware that something is wrong, has Riley follow him outside where they meet the two members. They are astonished by their physical abilities, and they are then outmatched by the two elders after an epic fight. Then the school bell rings, excusing the children from their classes, effectively saving the two brothers.
At the same time, Robert Freeman is attacked while out fishing by the third member of the crew, who uses a modified Flying Guillotine. He survives by throwing a bucket of crabs at the man and swims away to safety.
The Freemans look up Stinkmeaner on Wikipedia. His story reveals that he was part of a crew named the "Hateocracy". The crew is made up of Lord Rufus Crabmiser (who attacked Granddad), Lady Esmeralda Gripenasty, and Mr. George Pistofferson (who attacked Riley and Huey respectively). The crew hated each other at first sight, but hated everyone else more. Upon Stinkmeaner's death, the crew reassembled and sought revenge on the Freeman family.
The Freemans do not know what to do next. Riley suggests that they fight back. His plan goes haywire when Ed Wuncler III, as usual, attacks the wrong people. Huey then suggest hiring Oprah Winfrey's former bodyguard, Bushido Brown, but Bushido Brown's service requires many fees on his bodyguard bill. Granddad fires him, but opening the door, he sees the Hateocracy at their driveway. Granddad then rehires him for double-pay.
Bushido Brown holds his own against the Hateocracy at first, defeating one member by causing her wig to come off. But in the end, Bushido Brown is beheaded by the Flying Guillotine. Stinkmeaner cites the formula mentioned previously, noting that this killing was one example of the disaster wrought by a combined "Nigga Moment" and "Nigga Synthesis", which therefore, as mentioned earlier in the episode, equaled a "Complete Disaster!".
Desperate not to share Bushido Brown's fate, Granddad opens up and apologizes for killing Stinkmeaner. He reveals he didn't mean to kill him, he just didn't want to be shown up by a blind old man. The Hateocracy reveals they didn't even "give a shit about Stinkmeaner", but they wanted a particular family to reign terror on- Stinkmeaner's death only served as a convenient excuse to a convenient target. The police conveniently show up and arrest the Hateocracy. Though Riley is at first relieved, he then feigns frustration that "someone snitched", adding that "snitching is gay". Huey tells the officer that the Hateocracy had a nigga moment, to which he replies that jail can stop nigga moments for good. Stinkmeaner replies in narration stating that some niggas need to go to jail, but he's glad he's in Hell instead.
Lord Rufus Crabmiser was very skilled with his flying guillotine, being able to manuever it with precise and accurate control. He can also use it as a shield to block attacks.
Unlike the other members, Crabmiser is a long-ranged fighter, although he does possess some degree of hand to hand combat, but only if his opponent were to close in on him.
- Crabmiser is based off of Fred Sanford from the 1970s show "Sanford and Son".
- Crabmiser's weapon of choice is a reference to the 1970s movie Master of the Flying Guillotine, even producing the same sound effects when wielded.
- Being a part-time crab fisherman, his surname is based off of "crab", which is slang for a bad-tempered person, and "miser", which is someone who hoards money rather than spending it.
- Despite his personality, he appears to respect Bushido Brown as never directly insults and even complimented on his title of being "Grand Master". He is the only member to not get struck by Bushido Brown's attacks (he blocked all the latter's attacks with his weapon), and was the one to actually kill Bushido Brown.